my Diaryland Diary


Walk on, walker.

It has been a particularly long time since I've updated in here.

I've re-read many of my posts tonight; I write with such conviction and clarity when I'm at my lowest. Suffering suits me, apparently.

I don't really want to kill myself anymore, at least I don't think so. I think the problem is that my default is not set to "happy". I am not the type of person to float blithely through each day; I am a crotchety bitch but for of that I am a good person. I try not to shit on people for things they can't help. I try to be understanding and compassionate, I try to brighten people's days. I don't loose sleep if I don't do these things, but what's a little extra effort on my part to change someone's mood?

I can't get enough of Clint Mansell. I'm learning one of his pieces on piano right now.

1:23 a.m. - 2009-02-02


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