my Diaryland Diary

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fuck

it feels like an explosive went off inside me. the first wave was the tears and the sadness. the second wave didn't last long enough...the anger. all that energy has left me cold and grey and dull.
how could he do this to me?
and how can i rest at night knowing that he could be in her arms at this exact moment in time?
how can i forgive that he willingly exchanged five months with me for one night with her, decided that it was better and stayed.

how can she be better?
how can i be strong when i feel so weak

how can i be expected to just pick up and move on?
how can he not feel the way i do?
how can he not miss me?
how can he not understand how good i was?
how can he understand how good i was and just not care?
why was my best not good enough?

cause i picked the wrong guy. and now i suffer the consequences.

how can women do this time and time again?
this feels too hard to repeat.
maybe it gets easier with repetition.

i never want to do this again.

i never want to be alone again

i'm so drained. i can't cry. i'm cried out.

i can't eat.
i'm being swallowed alive
and idon't care

8:57 a.m. - 2006-11-05

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