my Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First one of 06. Happy New Years everyone!
We were at a bar in Gastown called the Lamplighter and we were there to watch a burlesque show. I love burlesque. The evening was relatively uneventful, met this cool girl who fell in love with my humor and my charm and is going to design some business cards for me. I was showing the girls I was with how to shake their bodacious ta-ta's (anybody who's witnessed this knows that I can shake 'em with a certain degree of proficiency) and demonstrated (shirt on, mind you.) the fine art of twirling nipple pasties. Damn I'm good. However, I'm not THAT bold. There was a contest at the end for $100.00 for whoever was the best at the twirling pasties. And since I'd been running my mouth all night the girls were like "Get up there youse". I may or may not have turned 7 1/2 shades of red and was just like "uhh...no. Believe it or not, I'm too shy". They scoffed as surely as many of you are at this exact moment. But it was all for the best as this dancer deservedly won the contest after shaking her tits on stage for 20 minutes. Classy shit man. Classy. Shit. Glad I wasn't up there. But now we get to the trials and tribulations of gravity vs. me. We'd left to go to another house party around 12:30, 1:00 and walked back up Water St. to get to Waterfront SkyTrain station. That was fine and without any major bodily harm. Raise your hands if you know how much I L.O.V.E. to slide down banisters? Yeah. Well, we get to the SkyTrain station and are going down the escalator when I decide to slide down the banister of said escalator. The first time I did it it was totally cool. Landed on my feet and everything. But because you're sliding and the rail is going down anyways, you pick up lots of speed and the second time I did it I totally bailed and landed flat on my ass at the base of the escalator. Me, being me, just picked my self up and laughed harder than anyone. Because, hey, people falling = funny shit. After assuring the security gaurds that, no, I wouldn't do that again, and yes, I'm fine, there'll be no lawsuits come morning, we got on the train to go home. At which point I realized I was BLEEDING through my favorite blue sweater. Apparently I'd gouged two puncture wounds into my elbow. And managed to turn my right butt cheek a rather attractive shade of bluey mauve. So I get home. I can't do shit with my arm. Got my upstairs neighbor to help me put my band-aid on because I couldn't do it by myself. I couldn't get my arm to bend. Couldn't brush my teeth with my right arm. Could barely get changed. Couldn't brush my hair. Only after icing it all night could I do anything with it the next morning. Honestly, sometimes, I'm such a twat. But there was a reason for the madness. I've decided to stop living my life with fear being the primary motivating factor. I shall break more rules. I shall question everything. I shall live fearlessly because life is nothing but a game. And I'm going to win. 3:49 p.m. - 2006-01-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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