my Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- caboose I really don't even know how to process what I'm feeling right now; everyone that I'm close with would probably disapprove and it doesn't help that Brent is up on his high moral horse judging the shit out of what I did last night. I suppose I should start at the beginning. My friend Chris is dating this really lame girl and has been for about two years now. The thing is that Chris and I get on so well; similar evil sense of humor, huge respect for each others taste in music. Alway such an amazing time, always laughing. I obviously have developed strong feelings for him, but have consistently restrained myself from doing anything with him while he has a girlfriend; I've been on both sides of a cheating scenario and vowed never to go there again or to date anyone who has. But we hung out yesterday and we got to talking about how he is planning on breaking up with her this week at which point i confessed how i've never liked her and why (with some prodding on his part, as much as i like him and dislike her, i won't disrespect their relationship by talking a bunch of shit about her behind her back). Soo we get super drunk and I end up sleeping with him. Not having sex or anything, but just sleeping with him. At one point in the evening, he reached over and scooped me up in his arms and we cuddled for a while. I tried not to read too much into it as he's used to sleeping beside his girlfriend who he can do these things with; I suspect it was more habit on his part than a deliberate seduction attempt but I'm super drunk so I of course turn my head and kiss under his chin where I could feel his pulse racing. Or maybe it was mine that i could hear, i don't know... I couldn't sleep (for wanting to jump his bones), and therefore neither could he. He ends up getting up around 4:30 or so to have a shower and I move onto the couch, not wanting to keep him up with my own wakefulness...EXCEPT I'm completely positive I heard him rubbing one out in the shower. I think he likes me the way i like him. I know we adore each other as friends, but I don't know how he feels about entering into something with me. All i know is that nothing can happen as long as he's with her, but I feel like maybe an end is in sight. I can't wait to kiss him. I know one day I'll be able to. I know it. I just feel so good and yet confused and it's hard keeping this to myself. And it's especially difficult as his soon to be ex is a close friend of one of my best friends. such a delicate situation. 6:16 p.m. - 2008-05-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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