my Diaryland Diary

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fuck it's hard though

this is the first fall of my entire life where i'm not back in school or saving up for more school. i'm out in the big, grown up world with my career and life and apartment and financial woes and my very first, dare i say it, boyfriend who is yet another woe comepletely unlike any woe I've ever had before. What i feel for him is so confusing, and I don't understand him at all sometimes.
last night he left, he did not stay over, i was not invited to his house, he wanted to sprawl out in bed. ookaay. if you wanted these things, why did you come over to my house unannounced and then hijack my evening?
I want him to stay away then curl up close. To profess his undying devotion and then to never see him again.

i just want to feel balanced around him. i've gotten awfully comfortable with him in teh picture though and that's a little terrifying.

i just need to not be scared and let life take me where it will.

12:44 p.m. - 2006-10-13

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