my Diaryland Diary

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Fuck you girlyname. I rock.

It's nice that I can review old entries that were about him and not feel sad. We had a talk the other day in which I revealed something to him I probably should have told him about before action was taken. But I gave him no conclusive answers. They're none of his business. My decisions are not his burden. I have such a martyr complex.
But while I may have a martyr complex, he is a royal fucking douchebag egocentric machismo motivated retard. He's with this teensy little insect stick creature because my size and strenght intimidated him. And he calls himself a feminist. It's interesting, this information, while hurtful, helped. Because before, I still respected him. Now, I don't. I see him for what he is: just like every other boy. He is not a man.
And he wants to be my friend. Of course he does. Because NOW, after all this, he has an inkling of my worth. Except that I don't know what this 'friendship' could possibly be based on. I really don't. Without respect, what is there? I disagree with so many of his opinons and I find his general life outlook to be naive and purposefully ignorant. Intentionally ignorant.
I find it to be interesting that as soon as he gave me insight as to why it was easy for him to leave I realized that it really was about him and not about me. It was about his own insecurities and not about my shortcomings. His shortcomings.
And truly beginning to understand that what I need and what he is able to give will never match.
Life goes on and gets better.

1:14 a.m. - 2006-12-24

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